How many lightbulbs does it take to change a REALTOR? Apparently, a lot, considering we’ve been offering ideas to the industry for more than two decades. But that didn’t stop this silly conversation from occurring the other day in my class:

“Yeah, it’s been on the market for about seven months. The seller won’t lower the price and there are about a dozen properties like it – some much newer – that are being offered for less. I don’t know what to do.”

“Have you provided the seller with the comps?”

“I just did again, for the fourth time, yesterday. She just won’t see the issue – it’s the price. Buyers have a lot of choices nowadays. She keeps saying we’re not doing enough advertising.”

“Have any of the buyers provided you with that feedback, so you could show her what the buyers are saying?”

“Nothing works. I have tried everything. Say, let me ask you a question. Have you ever done that statue thing? You know, where you bury a statue upside down in the corner of the house. Do you think that would help? I hear a lot of REALTORS swear by it.”

Pop. Out goes the lightbulb. In comes the voodoo. And forever falls away any hope of developing a professional sales force out of the million or so actors playing real estate agent.

Only it’s not TV. It’s real life. We’re talking about people’s life savings. Their biggest investment – a financial commitment that will dominate their lives for years, if not decades. Mix in the legal elements – like fiduciary responsibility and zillions of other regulations – a dash of disclosure and a few flakes of Fair Housing. And the “solution” to tough situations is: Hey! Let’s do a rain dance! That will help!

Burying statues in the backyard doesn’t sell homes. Nor does listing overpriced property. Or working with buyers without pre-approval. All of this is smoke-in-mirrors – and it’s only goal is to make the REALTOR feel like they’re doing something – anything – when they otherwise would be faced with having to do the right thing, instead. What will be next? Broomsticks and Pikachu?

That’s right: Do the right thing. Now that’s an idea. A lightbulb whose time has come. Like canceling a listing agreement for your unreasonable sellers. Just co-broke it later (bring the buyer offering a substantially lower but “you know it’s reasonable” price) and stop accruing all the expenses and aggravation. Like asking the buyer “do you want to make an offer” when you’re showing them the FIRST house on your grand tour. At $4 a gallon of gas, do you really have time to drive them to seven more homes without – at least! – asking them every time if they’d like to make an offer. Like greeting people at the door of the open house, then walking through the home with them, explaining things as you go. Not letting them run amok on their ignorant own, helping themselves to the jewelry and prescription drugs, and leaving with really no idea about the home other than the “pretty colors” they saw.

Real estate is a sales business. Sales isn’t the act of “being nice enough to a seller to let them give you their listing” so you can earn a commission. It’s about taking the right listings at the right prices – market prices – so you can make the right deal. Sales is a process. It has goals – like selling someone’s home in a reasonable time frame, for a reasonable price, so you can earn a reasonable living. Sales also has skills required – such as pricing homes within the market tolerances, explaining that prices are set by the buyer, not the seller, and using the skills of recognizing a bad deal when you see one – and running away!

Don’t think I’m blaming the consumers, either. Sure, sellers are insane and buyers are idiots. But you should be so lucky to work in an industry where the consumer’s emotions dominate their purchase process. That’s a salesperson’s dream – unless they’re still dreaming that the Tooth Fairy will bring them an offer on their overpriced under-staged listing in the high tax-burden town this month. REALTORS don’t sit across the table with twenty computer science experts, technicians and IT managers, trying to explain to them why their computer equipment warrants their $500,000 investment. REALTORS don’t have to match wits with a veteran surgeon with a PhD in chemistry as they try to sell their company’s new drug benefits. No, folks, it’s houses.

Yup – bedrooms, kitchens, and your favorite: bathrooms. But while it’s not rocket science, it certainly isn’t going to sell because you positioned the furniture toward the sun. Planting totem pole in the yard won’t keep the evil spirits from overpricing it. Drawing a circle in salt around the front door and splashing some wine vinegar on the walls won’t make buyers suddenly see the “hidden value” in the home.

At some point, consumers are going to figure this out. Oh, sorry – that point was about ten years ago. That’s why they’re raising eyebrows at your commission. That’s why they’re wondering why they can’t get hold of you by email. That’s why, after seeing the photos you placed online, they’re asking you to please, please, please stick to text-based classified ads.

Am I picking on you? No. I don’t have to: the consumer is doing it plenty fine for me. Am I trying to help you see a point? Yes. It’s this: When you’re sitting in a class called “The Ultimate Technology Course” and you’ve actually spent $300 to be there and you have a 100 page workbook in front of you with dozens of sales, marketing and technology ideas, maybe, just maybe, you’ll put away your amulets and incense and pay attention for a few minutes. Possibly out there – on the vast internet, within the networks of experts like Turcotte and Brouthers and CRB and WCR – you’ll find a few skills, techniques, tools and technologies that will help you do the right things that trained salespeople do to build your business.

Otherwise, just like your statue-underground marketing strategy, it’s probably going to be lights-out for your career.